Got the news

1 yr ago today my husband met me in the kitchen as I came home from the office.

I could tell by the look on his face and the fact that he hadn't call me during the day what he had to tell me was not good news.

The stem cell transplant did not work. The pain in his voice. The fear on his face. I lost it. For the first time, I screamed & yelled. I cussed like a sailor. Then, he wrapped me in his arms, held me tight and we cried and cried. We grew quiet. Silent.

I continue to feel every bit of it over and over. Today especially. But I do not have his arms to comfort me this time. There is no comfort in the silence this time.

I read his entry of 2/28/10 below and continue to be amazed by him. Knowing how we felt that day and seeing how he was able to collect himself enough to post something reassuring for those that love him leaves me speechless.